Wednesday, July 30, 2008

10 people I want to kick the crap out of:

I created this list not because I necessarily hate these people, but more cause there is something about these people or something they do, that drives me insane. I've created the following list in no particular order.

10.) Paul Tuttle Sr. The years of drug abuse, and bulling his own kids around does not give him ANY right to grow that hideous thing he calls a mustache. I want to pin him down and remove every whisker with a pair of needle nose pliers. Also, would sleeves kill him? When he was married in 2007, he ripped the sleeves of his tux to look more macho. Really classy.


9.) Flava Flav, He alone is the best argument for birth control. I'm doing the world a favor keeping him on this list.
08.) Hollywood Hogan, I really need to be clear about his one. Hulk Hogan is a legend and a historical icon. I would never dare to utter his name along with the other clowns on this list. But as for Hollywood "gender confused" Hogan, he has earned a solid spot on here. What were you thinking "BRUTHER", when you were trying to re-invent your self by wearing pink feather boas? My once hero, has been reduced to nothing more then a spray tanned leathered sack of crap. Hollywood Hogan, I'm doing you a favor kepping you on this list.

07.)The White ranger, I believe he's been on this list longer then everyone else combined. Almost 18 years ago, which I will refer to as an important "developing" phase of my life. I was noticing girls more. Especially the Pink Ranger, on Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. It's no secret, I had a full on crush. Because I was too old to be watching little kid shows, everyday after school I would make sure my lil brother, who was still young enough was watching it. I really started to think the pink ranger and I had a connection. That was until the White ranger came along. The writters of the show had the pink and white ranger hooking up. I was ticked! How could she do this to me!? Who in the heck does this guy think he is? Still to this day, he remains firm on this list.
06.)Mary Murphy and her Hot tamale train. I'm not sure what planet Mary Murphy is from, but I hope the mothership (which she calls the Hot tamale train) returns soon to reclaim her. Each and every week during the airing of "So you think you can dance", Mary Murphy emits which I can only describe as a high pitch distress call to her home world. It sounds just like random and pointless screaming. Once she finishes this bizarre process she tries to get people go home with her by saying "You’ve got 2 tickets for the Hot Tamale Train with your name on them”. Mary, no one wants to go with you and it's only for the better of man kind that you have a place on my list.
05.)Damon Yauney- The morning weather man on local Fox13. Each and every morning I feel like I'm watching a sequel to Zoolander. His ridiculous good looks, and boyish charm is just too over whelming for his brain to function right. His bio on the Fox 13 website states he holds the seal of approval from the American Meteorological Society. I believe this "seal of approval" is only one step above the Weather merit badge I earned in boy scouts always 15 years ago. Damon Yauney, your on here for making us all a little dumber everyday we watch you.
04.)My neighbors upstairs, the sounds they are able to generate from their apartment can NOT be human. I can only describe these sounds as baboons mating. I could almost set my watch to their Saturday afternoon romps. It would be one thing to have a squeaky mattress, but the combination of the bed, doors slamming, pots banging, cordless drills, and all while someone is managing to dribble a basketball on the floor is too much! The reason they are on the list... is because he' always parking his car in my spot.
03.)Joe Rogan, is one of the most cockyiest and pampas men on tv. I think it's important to point out that this list is titled "10 people I WANT to kick the crap out of", and not "10 people I CAN to kick the crap out of". With this in mind, Joe Rogan at the age of 19 became the youngest Grand Champion of the US Open Tae Kwon Do Championships. This means that he held light weight, middle weight, and heavy weight titles. For this reason Joe Rogan also has a place on my "10 really cool people" list. Joe Rogan is on this list because, I just thought it would be cool if Joe and I fought, and if I won I could stand over him and ask "So Joe, is fear a factor?"
02.)Guy Fierri, One of the most entertaining guys on the Food network. I really enjoy his show "Diners, Drive ins, and Dives". But his goatee freaks me out. Guy reminds me of that creepy old Chinese man who worked at the "China Wok" in the University mall before the mall remodeled. The old man had these hairs growing out of a mole on his face, they must have been 8 inches long. Everyone was so scared to eat there, we all thought we would find one of the hairs in our fried rice. Why has someone not told him to trim it, cut it, or even shave the stupid thing off. At the very least ask him to put a hair net over his chin. For this reason alone Guy Fieri you have earn a place on my list.
01.) Mario Lopez, aka A.C. Slater. I believe his 15 minutes of fam, was up about 20 years ago.


Others that are of honorable mention, but did not make the list include: Andy Dick, Ron Popiel, Steven Seagal, Pauly Shore, Tila Tequila, Fran Drescher, Tom Cruise, Miley Cyrus, Billy Blanks, and Bill Nye the science guy.

Feel free to add you own list in the comment section.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Tiger Blood Snowcones, FALSE ADVERTISMENT!

This is bull crap! If a company advertises a product and then that company fails to produce that product, is this not false advertising? A Snow cone shack in Orem, UT proudly boasts they only use fresh ingredients and they use NO preservatives.
(The following story is based on actual events)
Well you could only imagine how shocked and surprised the prepubescent teenagers, working behind the counter, were when I asked to see their tigers and what they call a "silver fox". When they just jiggled at me, I promptly slammed my open palms down on the counter and demanded to speak with the manager. Thus making the "Summer Sno" shack the third snow cone shack to file with-straining orders against me. Forth if you count the Ice cream man and his truck.

So, If want a great tasting, and super refreshing snow cone, the "Summer Sno" shack is awesome, but as for me, I'm boycotting them until I see a tiger!


Sunday, July 27, 2008

I miss K... look at his silly dog!

I completely and totally miss K... He's only been gone for 2 days and I feel like in about 2 minutes I might start walking in circles not knowing what else to do. Sickening I know. To help take my mind of things my friend and I watched 3 movies today. It's helped a little.

Also what has helped is looking at silly pictures of K's princess of a dog.













She is also very talented at looking sad and lonely for attention.



What does this have to do with me missing K, you ask? ...nothing... that's the point. :)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Sweet Sunday Snacks

When two wonderful worlds collide a new favorite of ours is created.

Raspberries and Frozen Whip Cream. Mmmm...

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Spanish Fork... No. Payson... Maybe

Pops and I have some of the greatest friends in the whole world. I mean that. I'll fight ya if you try to tell me otherwise! We don't get to see all of them nearly as much as we both would like to, but when we do we savor every moment of it! ...even if part of the time is spent at Cold Stone in Spanish Fork.













I love Rob because he talks about sports and politics with the same unfathomable enthusiasm and knowledge and I love Kah Jerst because she tries to not be annoyed and pissed off in long lines of high school kids when anything chocolate/candy/ice cream is involved just like myself.

And we love them both combined because they have committed their love in the form of doorknobs on their front door.





















Two of them means they are really in love!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Aligators and Big Screen TVs...

I knew Pops would love this...

As I was searching the internet for nothing related to this I stumbled upon this picture:











"What the...???" I thought to myself and immediately started trying to find answers to this questionable picture. After much searching I finally found my answers! Turns out:

a state trooper found a six foot alligator in the back seat of a burglary suspect's car early Saturday morning 4/12/08. "

Here's the gator Snatcher:










"The trooper told Eyewitness News that William Johnson found the gator in the road near Angleton and loaded it up into his Buick Regal, then broke into a house in Brazoria.

DPS Trooper Steve Stanfield explained, "From my understanding, he tried to get a big screen TV out of the house. He couldn't get it in the car by himself, so he recruited a neighbor, who, when he saw the alligator, dropped the TV and said, 'Alright, I ain't got nothing to do with it.'"

But don't worry everybody, the gator was released back into the wild unharmed.











I wonder if the guy ever fit the TV in his car!?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Oh so cute!

Check out the cutest picture of K, my nephew Dylan (no not our son!) and Me to the right! I just got back from a vacation and while I was gone K put that up. What a great thing to come home to. :) I love it and it makes me oh so happy everytime I look at it. Thanks K!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

BOLD FACE LIES!

I thought it was about time I confronted the lies C-bass has been spreading about me in a recent post . These malicious half truths have become quite ubiquitous, and I assure you they are completely unfounded!

First off, Janna is no angel! She is always the sinister sibling that has that one ice cube always ready to put down the back of your shirt. Once she slides the ice cube down your back, she then places her hand over the ice cube, pressing it into to your back, and in the most obnoxious voice ask "whats wrong? You okay?, You don't look okay". To others this might look like a loving sister trying to help her brother. Well this is bull crap! The real reason her hand is on your back, is to help her judge what your reaction is going to be. When you turn to pummel her, she uses her hand on your to push off of you to get a running head start. Janna deserves what ever she gets. The only thing I'm guilty of... is teaching her everything she knows.

Then there is Chellor.
My therapist told me that he's proud of me that I will finally able to talk about this and let the true healing process begin. I have kept this bottled up for so long. I'm so tired of hiding the bruises and and making excuses for her. To set the record straight, I don't walk into doors or fall down a lot. Ever since we started dating, Chellor has picked on me, abused me, and used me as her own sick and twisted game of"king of the mountain". When I have had enough and have tried to wallop on her she'll say, "stop, stop, stop, stop... I'm sweet" like it was an excuse for her actions. Well that's bull crap too! I even think Chels is the one giving Janna the ice cubes!

Come on... If you poke a bear long enough, are you REALLY that surprise you get mauled to death? While yes it is true, I'm the same size as a small pachyderm (according to the scale and charts at Hogle Zoo), that doesn't mean I don't have feelings too.

I really glad to finally get that out. I feel so much better now.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Just a big teddy bear...

Everyone who knows K's knows that despite his size and the first impressions people tend to have about him he is really just a big teddy bear. Oh how sweet and innocent he is....



















Well everyone, think again:


















Any time we go to K's parents house and his younger (and almost as tall as him!) sister is in attendance something to this effect happens. K beating up on her, she refusing to call mercy, me not being able to watch because on one hand I feel bad for her, but on the other I just want her call mercy! Janna, don't you know that he knows how to immobilize with a simple touch of the finger and also that he could kill you with one swift movement of the hand?! Thank heavens I learned this early on in our relationship and I now know not to mess with him... ok so I still do, but I quickly cry for mercy after a few ineffective punches and head locks with my legs.

Thanks for taking the beatings Janna because even though I've got a lot of fight in me we all know my 5'2 frame is no match for his 6'3 frame!